Sun may 3rd. 11:15 a.m.
Went back to the motel early on Sat. night. Didn’t stay for the whole evening, too painful.
Day 3 of the festival and I wish I could just get my stuff and go home but I have to stay until the event is over at 4:00p.m.
Not going to sell anything more at this point.
It’s sunny out but still a little bit cold.
The air around the fountain under the space needle smells of popcorn and cotton candy, two scents I normally love but today they turn my stomach. I just want to go home.
Not sure how I’m going to talk to my friends about this weekend. I will probably tell them it was great and that I had a wonderful time even though I didn’t.
Everyone wants to see pictures but I haven’t taken anymore. Seems kind of sad and pathetic to only have pictures of me standing by myself. Want to go to the movies but can’t find a theater with anything I would like to see.
It would be nice to get my mind off things for a little while….
Sun may 3rd. 11:42 a.m. There is a little caravel set up under the space needle. Happy people with their dogs and children enjoy the slightly sunny weather.
A pretty young woman with long sandy blonde hair and an expensive looking camera takes pictures of flowers and cute dogs.
For a moment she looks at me and I secretly wish she would ask to take my picture. But she doesn’t in favor of an older couple with a pug. It’s a small thing, totally unintentional on her part but it feels like someone stabbed me though the heart. I walk away to sit by my self on a bench if front of a merry-go-round with 1970’s style Japanese robots for cars.
Sun may 3rd. 12:08 p.m.
Feeling hungry but at the same time don’t really want to eat. I haven’t eaten very much this weekend. Partly do to money but also because it reminds me I don’t have anyone to share a meal with...I wonder how long I could go without eating?
When I feel depressed or stressed out I don’t eat. A few people have told me I’m getting too thin. I just don’t feel like eating much now.
I usually love food and bad food at that. But now I don’t find much joy in the food I once loved….
Sun may 3rd. 12: 20 p.m.
Choked down a small bag of popcorn, my staple meal for this weekend, and part of a can of soda. But ended up feeding half of it to the seagulls that crowd the grass by the fountain. I sit a good distance away from the multitude of people by the fountain, as I don’t want anyone to see I have tears in my eyes….
Sun may 3rd. 1:00 p.m.
Just found out from the festival people I can’t pick-up my art until after 6:00 p.m. which means I have to spend even more time by my self. Going to go try to find a movie theater again….
- (no subject)