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pinupartist
Sun may 3rd. 3:11 p.m.
Never did find a theater. Went to the Pike st. Market instead. Walked around and looked at things I didn’t have money to buy.
Got some chicken fried rice at a vendor and ate it on a bench on an outlook of the Puget Sound. Very pretty day out but only ate a little of the rice. I just couldn't finish the small portion even though my body was telling me I needed the nutrition. I wonder if I’m not supposes to have good things happen to me. It’s a thought that has plagued me my entire life. My friend Neva tells me there is happiness all around us, we just have to see it…I can’t seem to…
I stand by the rail of the outlook and smoke a cigarette. Below me about 50 feet down is a freeway off ramp. For an instant I daydream of throwing myself over the railing into the stream of on coming traffic.
A young couple in their 20’s stand to my right and kiss in the sun. I hate them and want to push them over the guardrail to their deaths. I don’t want to be reminded of being alone and somehow want to make these innocent by standards pay for me feeling so shitty.

Sun may 3rd. end of the weekend
Picked up my art at about 6:15 p.m. and was thanked by the festival organizer, an older woman named Allena. I met the woman in change of shipping and receiving for the event, a pretty blonde European woman by the name of Tatiana. She asked me to help with the packing of art for shipment back to their owners and I said yes even though I wanted to flee this horrid weekend and not look back. Work until 7:30 and then politely excused myself to drive home.
I ended up selling about $100 worth of items from the festival store and one painting.
Felt absolutely awful on the drive home. Wore my sunglasses until well after dark as for some stupid reason I didn’t want other drivers to see I have tears running down my face.
Listened to sad songs all the way home. I find it strange that song lyrics can take on totally different meaning depending on your mood.
Listened to ‘space age love song’ by A Flock of Seagulls on repeat for about an hour. The song has a special meaning to me now it lacked before.



I saw your eyes

And you made me smile

For a little while

I was falling in love



I saw your eyes

And you touched my mind

Although it took a while

I was falling in love



I saw your eyes

And you made me cry

And for a little while

I was falling in love



I was falling in love

?

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