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Do other people find happiness somehow?
Every time I think that I have found lasting happiness it slips through my fingers. I walked around Hawthorn blvd. the other day by myself and saw so many people that looked happy. Is there some secret that I can not decrypt that these others have found. And what is worse and worries me is that the more I see others experience joy, the more I wish them harm. I don't like these feeling yet I can't keep them out of my mind. I saw a very happy looking couple kissing on the street corner and I had to fight the urge to pull them into traffic. I hear about someone having some great stroke of luck and I wish them dead.
I have stopped trusting thoughts of hope and love.
Trying to keep hope in my head that things work will out, like everyone keeps telling me will happen, has just broken my heart.


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